Lost

Dear all,

It's been a while. Lately there's a lot of things happen in my life, well each time i wrote, there's lot of things happens.. so what am i going to blabber now?

Well all these time, all i can say, i am depressed.. I thought of everything around me is lost, one by one, leaving me behind. I don't know when these begins, i just kept all things inside, soon i forgot those things that i kept inside but the stress and depression remains.. In the end, i came in to realizing that what make me sad? What make me depressed? What took my smile from me?? And i start to blame everything around me, pushing everything away from me. And slowly i start to giving up and let my self drown in piling up stress..

It take a while, and i feel so cold, bitter and my heart is freezing.... and at night sometimes i wake and my hands and feet are cold... and i suspected i cry a lot in sleeping sometimes because in the morning when i awake i feel my eyes, like there's tears...

My head won't stop thinking, thinking about everything and everyone. Thinking about past and present, and i feel like i lost everything. For quite sometimes i start to tell my self, "you not loosing anything because you never owned anything, you got nothing to be lost".

Well it just me, i not used to share to people by talking to people, i wan't to do so and most of time i end up misunderstood or lost in the middle of talking. So  kept it inside, everything...

So i let my self sulking... as the time pass, i realize what thing that i really lost....

"ME" i lost my own self, i lost the way i use to be, the me that do things my own way, me that always ride along the time, me who much more wiser then the me now... i lost a lot of "me" and i know i even forget that "me"  some of them, i forgot  who they are.... i wonder if i can learn back to be that me again?

the thought i have now, may gone soon, i wonder is there a way for me to remain having this thought, i feel calm..

who am i?

thank you

Me 2nd October 2012

...no comment.... just feel like uploading a pic today for tomorrow : )

It's been a while again

Hi,

It's been a while, i left the blog for quite long time with no post. Within these gap, a lot of thing happened. Well i actually won't be talking about those things happened since it's really personal and unpleasant for me.

Guess what, i'm typing this fucking slow, not because the typing on the keyboard but it's in my head, yeah my English worsen.. have to start to think up words and building it up I've been away from campus for 2 fucking trimester because of stupid system and misunderstanding in management. But in a way, i came to realize something and may be, just may be i should learn to take things slowly and observe.

So what happen to me all these time? first, i gain weight a lot, hahahaha yeah, seems like fitting the law of uncle's shape. it's my own law or view thou. most my friends which same age as me, gained weight too, but difference is , they all working and i'm stuck in college. I did try to loose the weight, but honestly, i can't stand the temptation of the foods~ with new menu invented everyday... and exercise? i do basketball weekends but lately it's been raining and i was travelling here and there..so missed it. jogging? need to grab new shoe and too many dogs chasing me!! well let say each time exercise words came into my head, too many reason came to counter that. am i will be end up as homer simpson? hahaha

well i'll share more in next post,
thank you : )

   
                                                                        Peace~