Emo again Dammit~!!

Have you ever feels like you are alone in this world? it's not in the case of friendship but alone in case of the closest person?
Of course i am not talking about friendship, because friendship have lots of values or meaning and you can have lot of friends and some of them might only be your friend when u meet eye to eye, or you every where you are, that friend will still contact you as that friend is always around you. I am talking about much more closer relationship.. am i being too cruel too my self? I felt like i don't have anybody as i am nobody.. it's like i am just a single audience, witness every people happiness around me and as i seek my own smile or a glance of happiness, often i'll fell deep down crushed in my nightmares.. I have nothing to complaint as my self is really idiot for these kind of things...
Yeah i am angered with my own self, too selfish of everything and being laze to change even though i knew it from the begin that it's all my fault.. now when i start to freeze my heart i realize all of this. it's now no turning back, i'll be on my own, if this only thing that can make me feel better.. i'm sorry everybody.. this is me, i can't no more live my life with this mask... i am tired.....

Which one is my real face?

Darkness And Soul

so now i can't even express my feeling too? fine then....

Yes Seriously I am

Sad Sad And Sad

Hi, I just came back from home, yeah, i visit my lil bro in hospital, thank god his condition better now, still i am sad looking the way he is now, laying on bed, whenever he try to say something,...it's really make me sad. I hope he recover soon. I met mum and dad, and i can see how tired and worries in their eyes....it make me sad... and also my mum wont let me have a bike since she worried that i might became like my lil bro...also make me sad.. 3 level of deep sadness (bike part just feeling down la~~ but see my lil bro like that... mum and dad worries make me much more sad...)

Right know i don't know how i feel, it's just felt empty, and i holding my self to think much. My lil bro injury was at his left arms and stomach. Stomach part is serious, internal injury... but he's recovering... it'll took a while for him to be out of bed.... right now or as usual i can't say much.. well it's not like i don't care, just keep it in here, as you know i not good at sharing feeling~~ some people might think i just a robot huhuhuhu

Ah~ what kind of feeling is this.... it feel like i want to lay down and just stares the skies for hours...doing nothing but just staring the skies and clouds... may be i need some meditation....

Speechless Thoughtless Restless

Pieces Of Heart

I don't know either my life is a mess or what, I'm getting more and more tired of all this. To her, enough with your childish thing, you make me hates you more. Just let me free, it's not only you that make my life so gloomy now, it's better for you to go find new light in your life. If you want to revenge me, just let me be, i will sunk my self soon..

Tomorrow i will have to rush back to my hometown, my lil bro' are still in ICU for few days, he hit by car, well i guess it's him hit the car, i talked to mum on the phone, i can feel her worries. I hope he's getting better, that's why i have to go back and to see him.

well everything in my head now in a mess, i try to smile, i will try to keep on smile, coz i believe my gloomy face will bring disaster..

Emo Version, A Song For Her

X Japan - Art Of Life


Desert Rose
Why do you live alone
If you are sad
I'll make you leave this life
Are you white, blue or bloody red
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand

The winds of time
You knock me to the ground
I'm dying of thirst
I wanna run away
I don't know how to set me free to live
My mind cries out feeling pain

I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart
In the pain I'm waiting for you

Can't go backNo place to go back to
Life is lost, Flowers fall
If it's all dreams
Now wake me up
If it's all real
Just kill me


I'm making the wall inside my heart
I don't wanna let my emotions get out
It scares me to look at the world
Don't want to find myself
lost in your eyes
I tried to drown my past in grey
I never wanna feel more pain
Ran away from you without saying any words
What I don't wanna lose is love

Through my eyes
Time goes by like tears
My emotion's losing the color of life
Kill my heart
Release all my pain
I'm shouting out loud
Insanity takes hold over me


Turning away from the wall
Nothing I can see
The scream deep inside
reflecting another person in my heart
He calls me from within"
All existence you see before you
must be wiped out :
Dream, Reality, Memories,and Yourself"


I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind
Nobody can stop my turning to madness
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart
Why do you wanna raise these walls
I don't know the meaning of hatred
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies
I only want to hold your love


Stab the dolls filled with hate
Wash yourself with their blood
Drive into the raging current of time
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly"the earth"
Shout and start creating confusion
Shed your blood for pleasure
And what? For love?
What am I supposed to do?


I believe in the madness called "Now"
Past and future prison my heart
Time is blind
But I wanna trace my love
on the wall of time, over pain in my heart
Art of life
Insane blade stabbing dreams
Try to break all truth now
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain
Cannot start to live, Cannot end my life
Keep on crying


........


~~~~~~this song still long, partly posted here~~~~~

Hide's guitar part really cool in this song!

LEMONed I Scream

One day, I was walkin' down the streets
Looking for anything, Any surprise
Feel like a treasure game on a rainy day
Then it happened suddenlyI saw, I saw
And there it was fallin' down into my feet
Then, you know,
it had something spiney head,
And I was gonna touch it
Then I got the pain,
My fingers painted in blood,
but I feel so fine
Nobody could find out,but I knew,
I saw.I don't care.
If nobody can love it, oh yeah

Because Ah hahahaha
I've got a feelin' in my hand
It's a lemon lemoned I scream !

One day, I was walkin' the street,
Lookin' for the music , any surprise.
Then it happened suddenly
I hear, I hear
I don't care.
Everybody so Hate it,
Hate it

Because Ah hahaha
I've got a sweet poison cake,
gonna be high
Take me higher higher
I've got a sweer creature song,
It's a lemon, lemon lemon & I scream
I've got a sweet broken hearted machine
but I like it, like it
Oh, what a sweet monster people
It's a lemon, lemon, lemoned I scream !

Lyrics&Song: Hide

Sky Fortress

Higher Than Trees Below The Clouds

I moved to new room, from 1st floor to 4th floor, hehehe. Yeah i called it sky fortress since it was the toppest floor for the hostel building in my block, and when i'm there, it's feels like i dont want to go out and it feels so good, calmn and relaxing~ hahaha it's quite quiet and it makes me stop from playing games on my pc~ huhuhu

Demn it's high, i love this sky fortress~~

My hostel.. yeah it's up there..