Dear blog
Yeah i know i've been away from blogging for quite a while but i wont missed to finish up this year blabbering..
It's 31'st December 2010 today~
2010 is coming to it's end today and yet i still not graduate. Awww that sucks~ i still using my lappy from 2005 and it still working fine just limitation on it's graphic card and processor, don't really mind about those stuff as long as i can use it. Well considering heavy usage on mine on the lappy, it's quite incredible that the laptop still holding on, even thou it had some funny sound (because of the fan)
Hurm lot of things i did not really archive in this 2010, still being an useless thing in my household. yeah what did you expect? will be 24 soon and still in collage? arghh~ nowadays graduating is being a big issue for me. but in this 2010, i found something meaningful..
I don't know what will it be in future, just hold on to it so i can get through everything. Yes, that something meaningful that i found is my relationship~ hahaha, thank you dear i don't know how to express it but it is really important for me, our relationship. Thank you for coming to my life.
So how should i spend my day today?
that's all, thank you
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Q&A Me
Simple blabbering abt me in Q&A form...
Q: What is your favorite phrase?
A: random words but i often say "oh shit" when things gone wrong
Q: Things that you hate most?
A: math
Q:Your favorite free time activity?
A:meditating on my bed
Q:Do you smoke?
A: yes n no, i did smoke back there but just get some stick from friends, but i don't really some,more to trying to make 'O' shape with the smoke, i don't inhale the smoke, just play with the smoke.
Q: Did you went to club?
A: yes, i went there few times before but i don't really enjoy dancing, i can't dance or shuffle. i more to enjoying the music.
Q:How much is your patience level?
A: what kind of question is this?? well i think its low and i am really a vengeful person.
Q: Are you serious type?
A:sometimes, but i hate being serious me since when i'm serious i felt like i'm emotionless, so most of time i just try to be happy and go lucky, try to enjoy the feelings...
ok folks, we continue on the other time, my pillow is dragging me now
Q: What is your favorite phrase?
A: random words but i often say "oh shit" when things gone wrong
Q: Things that you hate most?
A: math
Q:Your favorite free time activity?
A:meditating on my bed
Q:Do you smoke?
A: yes n no, i did smoke back there but just get some stick from friends, but i don't really some,more to trying to make 'O' shape with the smoke, i don't inhale the smoke, just play with the smoke.
Q: Did you went to club?
A: yes, i went there few times before but i don't really enjoy dancing, i can't dance or shuffle. i more to enjoying the music.
Q:How much is your patience level?
A: what kind of question is this?? well i think its low and i am really a vengeful person.
Q: Are you serious type?
A:sometimes, but i hate being serious me since when i'm serious i felt like i'm emotionless, so most of time i just try to be happy and go lucky, try to enjoy the feelings...
ok folks, we continue on the other time, my pillow is dragging me now
Saturday, December 4, 2010
How about my own feeling?
Dear blog...
Yeah, another selfishness words of mine. Well i've been putting poker face a lot, even in my family showing my good-obedient son who listens to parent's words and only keep silence my own feeling. When anything i dissatisfied i just keep quiet (well i guess most of us did tht right?) well let say i did it too much.
Surely i've been tired doing that just keep all the feeling inside me buckle up everything and holding it deep inside. well the last time i almost explode when i was back to hometown because my late grandpa pass away. well my lil bro shows some rude attitude till i think it's too much, well i don't like him much anyway.. coz my parent were there i holding my anger just to silence.. they don't even say a word to him thou, coz event thou they say anything, like he care? but at least consider me, how i feel as elder? well that just some example hahaha trust me my family just like normal family it just me who abnormal coz keep stuffing my feeling inside me..
i wonder who really care about my feeling when i can say what inside me n listen to the end.. i wonder who can care of my feeling? and i can express my dissatisfaction or argument peacefully without worries? oh God..i hate my self...
Yeah, another selfishness words of mine. Well i've been putting poker face a lot, even in my family showing my good-obedient son who listens to parent's words and only keep silence my own feeling. When anything i dissatisfied i just keep quiet (well i guess most of us did tht right?) well let say i did it too much.
Surely i've been tired doing that just keep all the feeling inside me buckle up everything and holding it deep inside. well the last time i almost explode when i was back to hometown because my late grandpa pass away. well my lil bro shows some rude attitude till i think it's too much, well i don't like him much anyway.. coz my parent were there i holding my anger just to silence.. they don't even say a word to him thou, coz event thou they say anything, like he care? but at least consider me, how i feel as elder? well that just some example hahaha trust me my family just like normal family it just me who abnormal coz keep stuffing my feeling inside me..
i wonder who really care about my feeling when i can say what inside me n listen to the end.. i wonder who can care of my feeling? and i can express my dissatisfaction or argument peacefully without worries? oh God..i hate my self...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
its been a while
Dear blog.
yeah i know i should be revising my study since i have a test tomorrow but somehow i don't feel like it, i mean i am pushing my self to go through the notes but i just want to steal a bit of the time to wrote here, at this blog.
when was it since my last update? ok check it your own since it is difficult for me to track my previous post in this editing mode. btw i'm sweating like i'm in a sauna now, effect of the curry-flavored instant-noodle just now.. we does it really matter? oh gosh my writing now i can't even differentiate between what should i express here and what shouldn't i.. well who cares, this just gonna be my writing for people who want to see me if one day i'm gone. so piece of me stored here, that if anyone would be able to find the link to this blog. hahahaha (is this some kind of writing-under-influence of instant noodle mode or something?)
ok topic today, "the past; is it to hurt or to teach?" (ok this getting more crappy since i even came down with some topic now, seriously they should stop me from eating instant-noodle)
what have you been through in the past, how much it involve or how much does it change you or shape you to become yourself now? once in a while the "what if" questions came into my mind about things in the past. what if this, what if that... well if those what if happens in the past, perhaps i am not the one who writing this blog now. perhaps i became other person? things in the past change you, things in the past teach you valuable lesson either how painful it was or how wonderful it was. we all learn a lot from the past. even some horrible experience teach the most valuable lesson. that if you can let go the past memories and take a good lesson from it... ok darn my eyes getting heavier, should continue to my study~~ well still lot more i want to blabber, well wait for that soon.
ok that's all for now, thank you ~~
(no pic since my c905 is dead...)
yeah i know i should be revising my study since i have a test tomorrow but somehow i don't feel like it, i mean i am pushing my self to go through the notes but i just want to steal a bit of the time to wrote here, at this blog.
when was it since my last update? ok check it your own since it is difficult for me to track my previous post in this editing mode. btw i'm sweating like i'm in a sauna now, effect of the curry-flavored instant-noodle just now.. we does it really matter? oh gosh my writing now i can't even differentiate between what should i express here and what shouldn't i.. well who cares, this just gonna be my writing for people who want to see me if one day i'm gone. so piece of me stored here, that if anyone would be able to find the link to this blog. hahahaha (is this some kind of writing-under-influence of instant noodle mode or something?)
ok topic today, "the past; is it to hurt or to teach?" (ok this getting more crappy since i even came down with some topic now, seriously they should stop me from eating instant-noodle)
what have you been through in the past, how much it involve or how much does it change you or shape you to become yourself now? once in a while the "what if" questions came into my mind about things in the past. what if this, what if that... well if those what if happens in the past, perhaps i am not the one who writing this blog now. perhaps i became other person? things in the past change you, things in the past teach you valuable lesson either how painful it was or how wonderful it was. we all learn a lot from the past. even some horrible experience teach the most valuable lesson. that if you can let go the past memories and take a good lesson from it... ok darn my eyes getting heavier, should continue to my study~~ well still lot more i want to blabber, well wait for that soon.
ok that's all for now, thank you ~~
(no pic since my c905 is dead...)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Untitled
Yes this post probably another untitled post. Lately i post less and less and less posts, lot things to say but i just can't find words to imprint them all here and sometimes i just forgot to post. Well i just continue my post as always, blabbering about things around and some nonsense blabber..
You tried your best to forget your painful past and memories, the more you tried the more it came to you. Just accept it as the past memory, remember it and bite your tongue, bear the pain. The pain it self is a teacher to your heart, teaches you how to deal with failure and pain. Think what you can learn from it, change your self and try to smile even how pain was it. Talk to people and tell them you painful and sadness, don't keep them to you. The more you keep them and bury them inside the more painful it will be and one day, it'll just burst out and hurt you more.
Your life is about you. You are the main actor and each of your actions affects your surrounding as well as the surrounding affect you. Cheer up and you have cheerful environment, being sad and down, you'll have gloomy faces people around you and dark atmosphere. . There's sometimes your surrounding are dark and gloomy, so try to cheer up or just get some fresh air and smile.
When you trust a person, always get ready to be betrayed. You don't know how is it in that person heart and mind. As well as loving someone, be ready to get hurt. Love and hate, ironically are always together, "you love because you hate, and you hate because you love." But this co-exist in unique way, there's also purely hate and purely love. Pure hate: probably 100% hate like revenge when people kill ones you love? people insult you?. Pure love: love to God.. well i'm not dr love so speaks about love, this just what i think and please don't hate my words if you does not agree with me, just ignore it. After all i am free to voice out my opinion, plus this does not hurt anyone i hope....
Ok that's for my general blabbering, hope that can make you fall asleep reading them.
I can't wait for December.... my sis big day as well as mine.... i will introduce my beloved bee to my family and have a chance for her to live with my family for few days. Hope everything's will be fine and hope she can easily mix in with my family ^^. lately my head filled with this, thinking and imagine when she's meet my family, how would it be, and what should i do, and this and that,i can't really express it in here but it keeps playing in my mind hahahaha. Guess it's me who's being too excited. Well bee, i'll be there with you, don't bee too nervous ok? muaxss!!
(precious moments)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Vid for My Bee
作詞：YUI 作曲：COZZi
住みなれた この部屋を 出てゆく日が来た
新しい旅だちに まだ戸惑ってる
駅まで向かうバスの中
友達にメールした
朝のホームで 電話もしてみた
でもなんか 違う気がした
古いギターをひとつ持ってきた
写真は全部 置いてきた
何かを手放して そして手にいれる
そんな繰り返しかな？
つよがりは いつだって 夢に続いてる
臆病になったら そこで途切れるよ
走りだした電車の中
少しだけ泣けてきた
窓の外に続いてる この町は
かわらないでと願った
古いギターをアタシにくれたひと
東京は怖いって言ってた
答えを探すのは もうやめた
間違いだらけでいい
赤い夕焼けがビルに途切れた
涙をこらえても
次の朝がやってくるたびごとに
迷うことだってあるよね？
正しいことばかり選べない
それくらいわかってる
新しい旅だちに まだ戸惑ってる
駅まで向かうバスの中
友達にメールした
朝のホームで 電話もしてみた
でもなんか 違う気がした
古いギターをひとつ持ってきた
写真は全部 置いてきた
何かを手放して そして手にいれる
そんな繰り返しかな？
つよがりは いつだって 夢に続いてる
臆病になったら そこで途切れるよ
走りだした電車の中
少しだけ泣けてきた
窓の外に続いてる この町は
かわらないでと願った
古いギターをアタシにくれたひと
東京は怖いって言ってた
答えを探すのは もうやめた
間違いだらけでいい
赤い夕焼けがビルに途切れた
涙をこらえても
次の朝がやってくるたびごとに
迷うことだってあるよね？
正しいことばかり選べない
それくらいわかってる
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Another Grief...
Dear blog,
Yesterday, when i reach my sister's house in Puchong,Selangor.. I found out that my gerbil's leg stuck between the bars of his cage. From his physical condition, i think he'd been stuck there for few days.... When i freed him, he was too weak to move and to drink and to eat... i know.. his time is coming soon.... By 7.00 pm my niece told me that the gerbil had died.. so i bury him beside the house. His face,that time..like he was smiling and sleeping peacefully. I learn a lesson from this... be more concern to your pet especially when your pet is old. Gabby, almost 4-5 years with me, now it's time for you to leave me. you will be remembered....
That's all, thank you..
Yesterday, when i reach my sister's house in Puchong,Selangor.. I found out that my gerbil's leg stuck between the bars of his cage. From his physical condition, i think he'd been stuck there for few days.... When i freed him, he was too weak to move and to drink and to eat... i know.. his time is coming soon.... By 7.00 pm my niece told me that the gerbil had died.. so i bury him beside the house. His face,that time..like he was smiling and sleeping peacefully. I learn a lesson from this... be more concern to your pet especially when your pet is old. Gabby, almost 4-5 years with me, now it's time for you to leave me. you will be remembered....
That's all, thank you..
In memory of Gabby...
Monday, August 23, 2010
A grief...
Dear blog...
My SE-C905 is officially dead. Last night when i was trying to bring her back, suddenly most of upper side of her button not functioning.. It just few moths after i fixed her and now she's gone... So sad.... now i'm using cute and small phone (borrowed from sarah), for temporary. Really not looking forward for Sony Ericsson product anymore. Really dissapointed with the C905 eventhou the camera is superb but the phone it self have failed to serve as a good phone. Well i'll just get my self a digital camera to replace my SE-C905, but i think there's long way to go since i have big problem with budget.. well wonder what phone i should use next, cheap but durable....
sad sad sad...
that's all, thank you~~
My SE-C905 is officially dead. Last night when i was trying to bring her back, suddenly most of upper side of her button not functioning.. It just few moths after i fixed her and now she's gone... So sad.... now i'm using cute and small phone (borrowed from sarah), for temporary. Really not looking forward for Sony Ericsson product anymore. Really dissapointed with the C905 eventhou the camera is superb but the phone it self have failed to serve as a good phone. Well i'll just get my self a digital camera to replace my SE-C905, but i think there's long way to go since i have big problem with budget.. well wonder what phone i should use next, cheap but durable....
sad sad sad...
that's all, thank you~~
(in memory of C905...)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Its been a while
Dear blog...
It's been a while since my last post. Now it's Ramadhan, and i still feel sleepy in the office. That's what happen when i'm stuck with my task.
Love life~
^,^ <--- see this happy face? hahaha this weekend i'm going to go home and have talk with my mum about her. Since my mum only heard about her from my sis in law and she know about her from my facebook =.=". Well she's a cheerful person and cute~ i love her~~ and the most important thing is, there's no reason for me to not settle down with her, ^.^. Well we'll talk about settle down things when the time come. No rush, good things always happen to those who awaits~
She did blogged about me in her blog and i was like (omg~~~ i love u~~) feel so touch with it coz back there no one really care of what i do to them and its not like i do for something, but when someone appreciate you and what you did to them, make u feel glad and happy. i wish i can keep making her happy and create wonderful memories with her till the end~ <3 <3 <3
well i will blogged in detail one day, that's all for now hahhaha~~
"me and her"
It's been a while since my last post. Now it's Ramadhan, and i still feel sleepy in the office. That's what happen when i'm stuck with my task.
Love life~
^,^ <--- see this happy face? hahaha this weekend i'm going to go home and have talk with my mum about her. Since my mum only heard about her from my sis in law and she know about her from my facebook =.=". Well she's a cheerful person and cute~ i love her~~ and the most important thing is, there's no reason for me to not settle down with her, ^.^. Well we'll talk about settle down things when the time come. No rush, good things always happen to those who awaits~
She did blogged about me in her blog and i was like (omg~~~ i love u~~) feel so touch with it coz back there no one really care of what i do to them and its not like i do for something, but when someone appreciate you and what you did to them, make u feel glad and happy. i wish i can keep making her happy and create wonderful memories with her till the end~ <3 <3 <3
well i will blogged in detail one day, that's all for now hahhaha~~
"me and her"
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Bla bla bla
Dear blog,
Another blabbing session from me. So this is how working life will be, tire out for weekdays and fully rest on weekends.. Well working in my sis office at first quite boring, i guess coz i am unclear about my task, i just do as i told, and stuck when i don't have any instruction. So basically i was like a robot, work based on input hahaha... well nothing much except i blend in with office mates and i still feeling a bit awkward since it's a new environment for me. i just hope i can do work smoothly and i still stuck. hahaha i always absent minded thou.. and sometimes fall asleep during working. well that's me.
salary, the paid is not high, well what you expect, i'm doing my industrial training, not officially work there and if i was about to apply working there, i doubt i will be accept with my experience and qualifications hahahaha well if possible i want to work different office than my family members, i lil bit shy to work when they were around.
normal days, i felt a lil bit closer to my brother and sisters as i living around them now, how much i want to involve with them without troubling them.. well i guess it's better if i not involve too much hahaha later being marked as busybody~~
well i for now i just want to graduate, and get my own job and transport. on weekend i want to visits them and bring some fancy2 food and enjoy with them and their kids.. well that's what i have in my mind, but all the time, all things came to my mind will never happen, so it just a dream, shatters when i awake. Reality are always harsh~~
love,
hurm for last few weeks keep having dream of chasing my ex, all the time, but when i awake i don't feel sad, i just feel it just a bad dream. i guess my emotions has came to accept the fact that she's no more there.. well time to time i do think how to improve my self when she's around, it's like "Proposal Daisuken's" drama where the main character went back to each time that he can fix what he had done to make the girl accept him hahahaha well if i can go back to time, i wont change nothing, since what have been happen in the past are beautiful moments that we won't have will to destroy. It just when i look to future, i have to let go...
hmmm~~
i think that's all for now,
Thank you~~
Snap from my sis's office desk~ hahaha
Another blabbing session from me. So this is how working life will be, tire out for weekdays and fully rest on weekends.. Well working in my sis office at first quite boring, i guess coz i am unclear about my task, i just do as i told, and stuck when i don't have any instruction. So basically i was like a robot, work based on input hahaha... well nothing much except i blend in with office mates and i still feeling a bit awkward since it's a new environment for me. i just hope i can do work smoothly and i still stuck. hahaha i always absent minded thou.. and sometimes fall asleep during working. well that's me.
salary, the paid is not high, well what you expect, i'm doing my industrial training, not officially work there and if i was about to apply working there, i doubt i will be accept with my experience and qualifications hahahaha well if possible i want to work different office than my family members, i lil bit shy to work when they were around.
normal days, i felt a lil bit closer to my brother and sisters as i living around them now, how much i want to involve with them without troubling them.. well i guess it's better if i not involve too much hahaha later being marked as busybody~~
well i for now i just want to graduate, and get my own job and transport. on weekend i want to visits them and bring some fancy2 food and enjoy with them and their kids.. well that's what i have in my mind, but all the time, all things came to my mind will never happen, so it just a dream, shatters when i awake. Reality are always harsh~~
love,
hurm for last few weeks keep having dream of chasing my ex, all the time, but when i awake i don't feel sad, i just feel it just a bad dream. i guess my emotions has came to accept the fact that she's no more there.. well time to time i do think how to improve my self when she's around, it's like "Proposal Daisuken's" drama where the main character went back to each time that he can fix what he had done to make the girl accept him hahahaha well if i can go back to time, i wont change nothing, since what have been happen in the past are beautiful moments that we won't have will to destroy. It just when i look to future, i have to let go...
hmmm~~
i think that's all for now,
Thank you~~
Snap from my sis's office desk~ hahaha
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Drive~~
Dear blog,
Oh uh today i went out for driving after how many years was it since my last drive session. At first i'm pretty worried since it's my sis car, i thought i would have better confidence if it was my own car, well guess it's fine. Well the car's good and using auto transmission, i use to drive only on manual transmission so when i was in highway it feel a lil bit off when you want to step on to accelerate, well it kind 'a slow hahaha.. well for sure auto car more convenient to be drive to work as you'll be stuck in traffic jam~~ manual can be say as racing mode for me, he hehehe
that's all, no pic plis~~ :p
Oh uh today i went out for driving after how many years was it since my last drive session. At first i'm pretty worried since it's my sis car, i thought i would have better confidence if it was my own car, well guess it's fine. Well the car's good and using auto transmission, i use to drive only on manual transmission so when i was in highway it feel a lil bit off when you want to step on to accelerate, well it kind 'a slow hahaha.. well for sure auto car more convenient to be drive to work as you'll be stuck in traffic jam~~ manual can be say as racing mode for me, he hehehe
that's all, no pic plis~~ :p
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Calmn N Peace
Dear blog,
I awake around 1 am, grabbed my phone and wish her birthday... that time my feeling was upset, then i go to her blog, she updated her's and seems like she's living in good life now, n i can see how committed is she with her new bf, somehow i feel better, may be knowing that she's living well cures my pain.. i'm not sure anymore, but i'm glad i feeling that way, instead feel of jealousy i felt calm...
"please keep on living in happy life, coz i want to think that you will always be happy n having a cheerful smile on your face" this line i want to tell her, but let's just keep in with me..
well that's all,
thank you..
This song mode on~
I awake around 1 am, grabbed my phone and wish her birthday... that time my feeling was upset, then i go to her blog, she updated her's and seems like she's living in good life now, n i can see how committed is she with her new bf, somehow i feel better, may be knowing that she's living well cures my pain.. i'm not sure anymore, but i'm glad i feeling that way, instead feel of jealousy i felt calm...
"please keep on living in happy life, coz i want to think that you will always be happy n having a cheerful smile on your face" this line i want to tell her, but let's just keep in with me..
well that's all,
thank you..
This song mode on~
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Internship
Dear blog,
Yeah i now out of Cyberjaya, off to Puchong and every morning on weekdays will be going to USJ, my internship program has started.... Same office as my elder sister, and i been assign with some programming project, well now still in screen development stage, i know, i'm freaking slow, and i wonder how will it be when i reach the programming stage..... really don't ever want to think about it~ grrr
ok that's for my internship~
hurm result are out and my project is great but the only subject i have that time..... not so good but not too bad, but still i have to go mmu to settle things, wonder when and how i want to go there since i am freaking doing my internship now!!!
great..
My love life is being fucked up, my studies is down to earth, and what more? i don't know, the current me is the person who aren't willing to see what's ahead, just drag my body towards without concern about anything as long as i don't hurt other people especially my family and friends. You guys don't have to worry about me, i just laying here waiting for my end, but i won't do anything stupid thou. The life line on me will only ended with me, so i don't ever want to involve anyone into my life anymore, it's so pathetic, annoying everything about me, i think it over and over again and i got most of the answers..
ok
that's all, thank you~~ ^^
i'm suppose to use red tie...
Yeah i now out of Cyberjaya, off to Puchong and every morning on weekdays will be going to USJ, my internship program has started.... Same office as my elder sister, and i been assign with some programming project, well now still in screen development stage, i know, i'm freaking slow, and i wonder how will it be when i reach the programming stage..... really don't ever want to think about it~ grrr
ok that's for my internship~
hurm result are out and my project is great but the only subject i have that time..... not so good but not too bad, but still i have to go mmu to settle things, wonder when and how i want to go there since i am freaking doing my internship now!!!
great..
My love life is being fucked up, my studies is down to earth, and what more? i don't know, the current me is the person who aren't willing to see what's ahead, just drag my body towards without concern about anything as long as i don't hurt other people especially my family and friends. You guys don't have to worry about me, i just laying here waiting for my end, but i won't do anything stupid thou. The life line on me will only ended with me, so i don't ever want to involve anyone into my life anymore, it's so pathetic, annoying everything about me, i think it over and over again and i got most of the answers..
ok
that's all, thank you~~ ^^
i'm suppose to use red tie...
Monday, May 17, 2010
Why Are You So Obsessed?
I bought my internship clothes, yeah two black-color shirt and two black pant, now left is to bought some white or red tie.. ok its not about my internship clothes i want to blabber here, my new sweater, dull-orange colored and the most thing i regret is, i should take 'L' sized instead of 'M'.... but it can't stop me to snap2 hahaahah
(yeah i knw...just shut up)
(Yeah whatever... =,=")
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Interesting fact~~~
男性が年齢を重ねると何かと気になる“体臭”。25～35歳の既婚女性500人に対してライオンが「男性のニオイに関する意識調査」を実施し、“30代の夫のニオイ”を具体的に例えてもらったところ、「アブラ」や「野良犬」といった悲惨な回答が寄せられた。 20代の頃と現在（30代）の“夫のニオイ”を比較した結果はこちら！ ■妻が激白！ 30代夫のニオイを例えると…「アブラ」「納豆」「野良犬」「工事現場」 30代の夫を持つ既婚女性に「夫のニオイを不快に感じることはありますか？」と聞いたところ66％と、7割近い女性が「ある」と回答。特に気になるニオイでは、1位「夫自身」（68％）、2位「枕カバー」（62％）、3位「1日着た衣類」（60％）、4位「ふとん」（42％）という結果となった。 ちなみに、“夫のニオイ”を具体的に例えてもらった際、多く挙がったのが「天ぷら油」「機械油」などの“古くなったアブラのニオイ”。そのほか、「納豆のニオイ（25歳）」「ニンニクのニオイ（34歳）」といった食品のニオイや、「工事現場のようなニオイ（34歳）」「野良犬のニオイ（33歳）」など、とても人間が発するニオイとは思えない回答も寄せられた。 ■20代は“汗”、30代は“アブラ”…多くの女性がニオイの違いを認識 果たして本当に20代と30代でニオイの変化はあるのだろうか。「夫のニオイについて、夫が20代の頃と現在（30代）を比較すると変化はありましたか？」と質問すると、「あった」と答えたのは45％と、およそ半数。具体的には「夫が30代になってから不快なニオイを感じるようになった」が最も多く、56％。次いで「20代の頃より臭くなった」（31％）、「20代の頃とニオイの種類が変わった」（25％）、「20代の頃より頻繁に臭うようになった」（20％）と続いた。 また、「20代の頃とニオイの種類が変わった」と答えた人に、その変化について聞いてみると、多くの女性が、20代は「汗臭さ」、30代は「アブラ臭さ」という“違い”を認識していることが分かった。 ■約6割の女性が「男性から不快なニオイがしてゲンメツ」した経験アリ 夫に限らず、男性のニオイが気になったことがある女性は多いはず。「男性から不快なニオイがすると、好感度はどれくらい下がりますか？」と聞いてみると、「とても下がる」と答えたのは40％。「少し下がる」が50％、「変わらない」と答えたのは10％に留まった。 このほか、「男性から不快なニオイがして、ゲンメツしたことはありますか？」との問いでは、57％が「ある」と回答。具体的なエピソードでは、「とても素敵な人だったが、いい雰囲気になったときに近づかれて、気持ちが悪くなった（34歳）」、「顔がかっこよくてスタイルもよく、パーフェクトだと思っていた彼から生ゴミのようなニオイがした。一気に気持ちが冷めた（32歳）」といったものが寄せられ、“いくら容姿が良くてもニオイがダメならNG”という、女性の共通認識が明らかになった。 良くも悪くもターニングポイントととらえる人も多い30代。女性に「野良犬のニオイがする…」なんて言われないよう、日ごろのケアを心がけてみて！【東京ウォーカー】 調査期間：2010年4月20日～22日 ○調査方法：インターネット ○調査対象：30代の男性を夫に持つ、25歳～35歳既婚女性500名（夫と交際を始めた時期：夫の年齢が29歳以下の時）
souurce :http://news.mixi.jp/view_news.pl?media_id=62&id=1208173 (retrieve on 14th may 2010)
souurce :http://news.mixi.jp/view_news.pl?media_id=62&id=1208173 (retrieve on 14th may 2010)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Updates
Warning, this post contains explicit words and EmO writing. DO Skip the reading if you in happy mode ^^
Dear blog,
Finally resolve something with the name host.... ok dun give a damn about that. Well this trimester, how should i say... empty??? working on my final year project, dealing with placement internship for next sem, and having bad fever during final paper. Cool~~
Guys sorry i know i've being moody and down for whole sem, i try not to think about it, but i can't deceive my feeling. So i just let it be, murmuring to my self most of time and listen to fucking emo song. its not like i being emo, just expressing what inside me. I cant listen happy and sot sot music when i'm down rite? Well till current time, my feeling still the same. Fuck tht, if these feeling don't want to leave me alone, fine, i live with it. Who cares i'm happy or what? My life is mine, u can't just came to me and barge into my life try to change it and then when u seen the burden too heavy,then just left me like that? no way~~ :D
I know how far had i fallen so don't you worry. I'm changing...u can see in my eyes if u know me well one day, when you met me, u look into my eyes, u will noticed them...
Shit emo post again, ok just fuck that~~
Hurm so how would it be my internship life? since i be stayin with my sister, i guess i'll be fine... oh btw i cut my own hair again, i called this style -internship for 3 month haircut- shorten n spiky style. It does not fit me thou, but just go on with it. I'm not a macho guy anyway =,=". Any hair cut will do just fine....
I've been asked, "did you wish for girlfriend," and i answered probably i just wait n see. is it true answer from me? well when the question came into my mind, only 1 came up to...yeah, you knw who-the person...... then the how-long-was-it movie played into my mind, when finished played 1 answer came "i'm fucking scared being dumped and leave alone by person i treasure most in my heart, i can't stand it and i hate the feeling" oh come-on how come you've been so sensitive about feeling, arghhh love if so fucking complicated!!!
yeah you want to be with someone honestly and do the person want to be with you? anytime the person might found someone and just go to them. so you can't do anything about it...just bite your own tongue and bear the feeling. grrr yeah it suck man it suck~~ hahahaha i say i'm ok, yeah i thought i could handle them but.. hell no!!! I'm actually just a person with fucking fragile heart. even i know how to overcome this but i don't have confidence and strength to do so, coz i had a feeling, it'll be the same, just a fucking loop to fuck you mind and feeling. fuck tht...
SHit emo again..
ok till then, gtg, see u another few month~~
(Yaaah i'm sick, so wht???)
Dear blog,
Finally resolve something with the name host.... ok dun give a damn about that. Well this trimester, how should i say... empty??? working on my final year project, dealing with placement internship for next sem, and having bad fever during final paper. Cool~~
Guys sorry i know i've being moody and down for whole sem, i try not to think about it, but i can't deceive my feeling. So i just let it be, murmuring to my self most of time and listen to fucking emo song. its not like i being emo, just expressing what inside me. I cant listen happy and sot sot music when i'm down rite? Well till current time, my feeling still the same. Fuck tht, if these feeling don't want to leave me alone, fine, i live with it. Who cares i'm happy or what? My life is mine, u can't just came to me and barge into my life try to change it and then when u seen the burden too heavy,then just left me like that? no way~~ :D
I know how far had i fallen so don't you worry. I'm changing...u can see in my eyes if u know me well one day, when you met me, u look into my eyes, u will noticed them...
Shit emo post again, ok just fuck that~~
Hurm so how would it be my internship life? since i be stayin with my sister, i guess i'll be fine... oh btw i cut my own hair again, i called this style -internship for 3 month haircut- shorten n spiky style. It does not fit me thou, but just go on with it. I'm not a macho guy anyway =,=". Any hair cut will do just fine....
I've been asked, "did you wish for girlfriend," and i answered probably i just wait n see. is it true answer from me? well when the question came into my mind, only 1 came up to...yeah, you knw who-the person...... then the how-long-was-it movie played into my mind, when finished played 1 answer came "i'm fucking scared being dumped and leave alone by person i treasure most in my heart, i can't stand it and i hate the feeling" oh come-on how come you've been so sensitive about feeling, arghhh love if so fucking complicated!!!
yeah you want to be with someone honestly and do the person want to be with you? anytime the person might found someone and just go to them. so you can't do anything about it...just bite your own tongue and bear the feeling. grrr yeah it suck man it suck~~ hahahaha i say i'm ok, yeah i thought i could handle them but.. hell no!!! I'm actually just a person with fucking fragile heart. even i know how to overcome this but i don't have confidence and strength to do so, coz i had a feeling, it'll be the same, just a fucking loop to fuck you mind and feeling. fuck tht...
SHit emo again..
ok till then, gtg, see u another few month~~
(Yaaah i'm sick, so wht???)
Friday, April 23, 2010
Tribute Post
Dear Blog....
It's been almost 6 years our author leave us to his journey to the next world. We have been living in dark and gloomy life since then. We still lost, walking to unknown path... we heading to no where and keep on crashing at the same beginning. Thus we still unable to move forward. Our time have stopped since then...
We fight so hard to move on, we do everything just now to be the same.. some of us choose the peace path and some of us have fallen to the deep dark pit.... But that's what we been seeing outside, or what others might think of.. Deep inside, we are still the same as last 6 years, remains frozen at the same point....
Just like the statue, just the same as past years, only being covered with mud and dirt... we're always frozen since then. Our beloved author are not there any more. Not there to complete our story...
We are getting old, soon out time will come, are we will be like this till the end?
PS: this post have a deep meaning, don't waste ur time to crack ur head to get wht message tht i left bwahaahaha
(In memory of "The Author" Mar 1987- Dis 2005)
It's been almost 6 years our author leave us to his journey to the next world. We have been living in dark and gloomy life since then. We still lost, walking to unknown path... we heading to no where and keep on crashing at the same beginning. Thus we still unable to move forward. Our time have stopped since then...
We fight so hard to move on, we do everything just now to be the same.. some of us choose the peace path and some of us have fallen to the deep dark pit.... But that's what we been seeing outside, or what others might think of.. Deep inside, we are still the same as last 6 years, remains frozen at the same point....
Just like the statue, just the same as past years, only being covered with mud and dirt... we're always frozen since then. Our beloved author are not there any more. Not there to complete our story...
We are getting old, soon out time will come, are we will be like this till the end?
PS: this post have a deep meaning, don't waste ur time to crack ur head to get wht message tht i left bwahaahaha
(In memory of "The Author" Mar 1987- Dis 2005)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
My Days
It not good bicthing about one's life openly but who cares this is where i want to release all feeling inside me~
Yeah still using same set of pic from PD
:p
For the past 2 weeks, i've been struck with some bad luck, well so far is was small things thou but it still bad luck, or may be i;m just out of luck?....
Been cracking my mind with codes for the FYP and assignment. But still 0 results, guess my programming side, i mean my brain's programming side being erased. I've been running through codes and failed to debug and modify. It just a pile of code's library but i still failed to associate and compile them.... and yet to say anything to be done with reports and design the 3d models and prototype. oh god, few more days left.... i'm so dead....
I was planning to stay up for whole 24 hours a days till submission dateline, but...... arghhh whatever...
my hair getting longer and annoying ~~... but i decide just to keep them long since i still don't have any idea for my new style...
my phone still in shop, i wonder why they took almost moths to fix that damn phone.... well i decide to keep the phone when finish fixing it, my initial plan was to keep it as a camera since i love the phone's camera so much... well we better stick to that...
its hot, this room, i'm sweating a lot, and i turn off the fan now, and i'm still sweating. purposely turn off the fan, now i feels like in sauna, hope will loose few kilos from this. this was the only chance for me to change my room to become sauna as my roommates are not around.
Oh god.... lot of things to do but i still have time bicthing here...
Yeah still using same set of pic from PD
:p
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Sushi
Suddenly old stories of sushi and me came across my mind, well it's just a simple story between us. From the time when i was know nothing about sushi, to the sushi-expert me, (well not really expert).
When i was dating her, i remember she promised me she's gonna make sushi for me, hahahaha so from that time when I was about to meet her, I will keep thinking on how's the taste of the sushi she made for me.. But unfortunately till now, I never taste the sushi she made, perhaps I forgot why, but there's always being something happen..that keeping me from having the sushi T,T.. Hahaha my waiting for the sushi from my beloved ones continues till today....
Well when i was teaching sushi class, when i look at the girls making sushi for theirs beloved boyfriend, I feel touch by them, bring me back to my early days with her, hahahaha. Memories are always sweets when you look at them in a way.. Even thou I don't have my chance to taste the sushi, but the promised she make back then was really a wonderful memory now hahaha.
But I know, I won't have my chance to taste that sushi now, it will be not the same taste that i was hoping back there.. my feeling somehow probably gone.. So guys, do appreciate food that your gals made for you, especially they made them with their honest feeling ^^
Aaa~ don't get me wrong, just writing this out of blue, you know me, my heart changes a lot like wind, the blows freely~~ :D
So sushi n me is not about my love on Japanese things, but promises n memories of the past.
searching for the lost sushi~
When i was dating her, i remember she promised me she's gonna make sushi for me, hahahaha so from that time when I was about to meet her, I will keep thinking on how's the taste of the sushi she made for me.. But unfortunately till now, I never taste the sushi she made, perhaps I forgot why, but there's always being something happen..that keeping me from having the sushi T,T.. Hahaha my waiting for the sushi from my beloved ones continues till today....
Well when i was teaching sushi class, when i look at the girls making sushi for theirs beloved boyfriend, I feel touch by them, bring me back to my early days with her, hahahaha. Memories are always sweets when you look at them in a way.. Even thou I don't have my chance to taste the sushi, but the promised she make back then was really a wonderful memory now hahaha.
But I know, I won't have my chance to taste that sushi now, it will be not the same taste that i was hoping back there.. my feeling somehow probably gone.. So guys, do appreciate food that your gals made for you, especially they made them with their honest feeling ^^
Aaa~ don't get me wrong, just writing this out of blue, you know me, my heart changes a lot like wind, the blows freely~~ :D
So sushi n me is not about my love on Japanese things, but promises n memories of the past.
searching for the lost sushi~
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Dear Heart
Dear heart....
can you please go and die?
i just cant stand this feeling anymore,
i just cant stand this pain anymore,
please show some mercy on me,
can you just drop dead and forget all the past?
i don't care if you want to move on or whatever,
but please forget those stupid things will ya?
don't keep crying inside...
isn't it enough?
what i had done to comfort you?
all those things i've done..
can you just rest in peace now?
what's wrong with you?
suddenly over sensitive?
suddenly longing for someone to be there for you?
isn't that too much??
you are lone heart,
know your place,
i wont be right if there's someone there for you,
you'll be stupid and numb.
so can you just die and rest peacefully now?
so i can continue my task and when it's over,
we'll go together to the place,
where no one can find us anymore...
i thought l had completely kill you in my last move,
but you sure really tough heart,
but please...
just drop dead....
life that i creating ahead is just for us,
you and me,
we create one soul that will wander,
all over the place like a lonely wolf..
so please, calm down..
please think of me...
when my task here finish...
we'll go together to the land of no one....
(grrr)
can you please go and die?
i just cant stand this feeling anymore,
i just cant stand this pain anymore,
please show some mercy on me,
can you just drop dead and forget all the past?
i don't care if you want to move on or whatever,
but please forget those stupid things will ya?
don't keep crying inside...
isn't it enough?
what i had done to comfort you?
all those things i've done..
can you just rest in peace now?
what's wrong with you?
suddenly over sensitive?
suddenly longing for someone to be there for you?
isn't that too much??
you are lone heart,
know your place,
i wont be right if there's someone there for you,
you'll be stupid and numb.
so can you just die and rest peacefully now?
so i can continue my task and when it's over,
we'll go together to the place,
where no one can find us anymore...
i thought l had completely kill you in my last move,
but you sure really tough heart,
but please...
just drop dead....
life that i creating ahead is just for us,
you and me,
we create one soul that will wander,
all over the place like a lonely wolf..
so please, calm down..
please think of me...
when my task here finish...
we'll go together to the land of no one....
(grrr)
H.A
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Freeman
Dear blog,
Lets be free~~ ^,^
Lets be happy~~^,^
Lets smile~~ ^,^
Lets live our life~~ ^,^
(guess wht i wrote thr?)
Lets be free~~ ^,^
Lets be happy~~^,^
Lets smile~~ ^,^
Lets live our life~~ ^,^
(guess wht i wrote thr?)
H.A
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Blabber again and again
Dear blog...
i once have a thought of changing the way i post out my feeling here.. instead writing in normal way, how about trying to write in short and deep meaning words, well.. probably will lead to misunderstanding, hahaha well,who cares thou..
think again.. i'm not that creative to create few words to replace thousands of words hidden in my heart~~
cut the crap~~
Hurm family and friends.. i'm really glad that i'm being blessed with them. Well it's true there's lot type of people in this world...As each days passed, it wont be the same for each days that we've been through. There's time we feel down others feeling happy , there's time we happy but people around us feeling down. Well, it's not the same for different people thou. Well, about people who being our friend, it doesn't matter who came to your life and to be your friend and hang out together. Well, this is not like an issue of talking about true friend, but the real things is honesty. There people who get to know you just for their convenience, as when they want your help they will find you... Well these things are not that bad thou, like i say there's lot kind of people in this world, may be that's just their way. Well as long as when you got trouble and when you seek them, they willing to help you as much as their can, then that's shall be all right, and you should really forget them if they don't even bother to listen to your problem.
Suddenly i blabbering about friends right? hahahaha i guess i just get effected by a manga that i was reading for last few days. how about my friends? hahaha they are all great, so far all my friends are there for me, but you know, it just me that i'm the type who rarely shares my stress with others, when it reaches to critical condition, i just spill it out like i was jokingly stress with funny face and funny way to say it out. Just like when i'm down about someone, when i can't no longer keep inside, i just call and say the person name out of blue when i was hanging out with them, with some blur and "nothing-ness" face thou. hahahha (yeah something like out of blue, i say "goggle" i referring to i want to buy the goggle but i can't coz no money but i want it so much, or "AE86" mean i want that car but now the car is no longer exist.. and common words "Stella~~ T,T" means i miss my time with stella, but why she had to leave me, i'm sad, i'm down~~ i missed her so much~~ why i can't be together with her just like other people~~ [stella is no body, i just randomly put the name as example]).. hahah i am super weird isn't it??? :p
that's all for now, thanks ^^
Enjoy the song~~
i once have a thought of changing the way i post out my feeling here.. instead writing in normal way, how about trying to write in short and deep meaning words, well.. probably will lead to misunderstanding, hahaha well,who cares thou..
think again.. i'm not that creative to create few words to replace thousands of words hidden in my heart~~
cut the crap~~
Hurm family and friends.. i'm really glad that i'm being blessed with them. Well it's true there's lot type of people in this world...As each days passed, it wont be the same for each days that we've been through. There's time we feel down others feeling happy , there's time we happy but people around us feeling down. Well, it's not the same for different people thou. Well, about people who being our friend, it doesn't matter who came to your life and to be your friend and hang out together. Well, this is not like an issue of talking about true friend, but the real things is honesty. There people who get to know you just for their convenience, as when they want your help they will find you... Well these things are not that bad thou, like i say there's lot kind of people in this world, may be that's just their way. Well as long as when you got trouble and when you seek them, they willing to help you as much as their can, then that's shall be all right, and you should really forget them if they don't even bother to listen to your problem.
Suddenly i blabbering about friends right? hahahaha i guess i just get effected by a manga that i was reading for last few days. how about my friends? hahaha they are all great, so far all my friends are there for me, but you know, it just me that i'm the type who rarely shares my stress with others, when it reaches to critical condition, i just spill it out like i was jokingly stress with funny face and funny way to say it out. Just like when i'm down about someone, when i can't no longer keep inside, i just call and say the person name out of blue when i was hanging out with them, with some blur and "nothing-ness" face thou. hahahha (yeah something like out of blue, i say "goggle" i referring to i want to buy the goggle but i can't coz no money but i want it so much, or "AE86" mean i want that car but now the car is no longer exist.. and common words "Stella~~ T,T" means i miss my time with stella, but why she had to leave me, i'm sad, i'm down~~ i missed her so much~~ why i can't be together with her just like other people~~ [stella is no body, i just randomly put the name as example]).. hahah i am super weird isn't it??? :p
that's all for now, thanks ^^
Enjoy the song~~
H.A
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Community Service~
Dear blog~
Yeah i know really few people came here and listening me bicthin' around, but still i wanted to do this...
Well if you were looking for pet, please do bumps to this link ok?
http://rescue2rehome.blogspot.com
found this blog when i was looking for Chinchilla to be adopt. Well surely this blog not giving away chinchilla, but it's about stray pets that being rescue and to be adopted... so feel free to provided this lost souls a home.......
that's all, this community message is written by me.. lol
Yeah i know really few people came here and listening me bicthin' around, but still i wanted to do this...
Well if you were looking for pet, please do bumps to this link ok?
http://rescue2rehome.blogspot.com
found this blog when i was looking for Chinchilla to be adopt. Well surely this blog not giving away chinchilla, but it's about stray pets that being rescue and to be adopted... so feel free to provided this lost souls a home.......
that's all, this community message is written by me.. lol
H.A
Friday, March 12, 2010
Why....
When i'm feeling extremely happy, extremely sadness will comes after that. Either with a reason or not, this circle always haunted me all the time, well so many example that i had encounter in the past prove this theory, u knew it and i knew it, if u look back to my life, it had been that way since long long time ago. "i don't care?" it just my own excuse i made to my self... too much feeling i kept inside...
i'm not good in expressing my feeling on my face or in my daily life, i just spacing out and listen to songs... when i mad, i stay still there and speak no words, (well there's limit thou till i seal it with my punches ^,^), same as when i sad. I made lot of excuse to accept my feeling now, keep telling my self that "i'm okay" "it's okay" "i don't mind" "i don't care" when deep inside me it feels like hell... i'm being jealous with people who can express their feeling freely while my feeling hidden in the riddle...
i don't know my self anymore, i don't know how i used to be, i forget my self in the past... yeah people changes... i;m getting tired... even now i am feeling upset and i don't know why or may be this "i don't know why i feel sad" is just another excuse of mine to forget why the reason i being down coz if i remember the reason i will feel more depressed..
i don't want to be someone who keep on bicthing over his bad luck or fate, i don't really care but sometimes its too much till i down on my feet and asking "why....why....why..." and keep asking it till i fell asleep. I hate being pitifull, i want way out of this... this is not me!!!
is this feeling being an adult?? depress and stress?? i don't want to grow up T,T
forgive my childish thought... even i can wrote here, but still things i cant write here.....
whac' ya lookin' at???
H.A
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The most meaningful 7th of March
Dear blog...
yes last few days was my birthday, and Jenny the wan who first wish me my birthday, thank you ^^....
i went back to puchong around noon, my sis came pick me from hostel, she's otw back from buying cake from SJ, yeah mum with her, she bought a hand bag with her =,=" mum surely can't resist shopping isn't she?? hahaha
well when reach puchong, all 3 of my elder sis were there, my bro in law n my soon will be bro in law were there too, my sis in law also there but my elder bro away to jakarta. they bought caramel cake from secret recepies~~ nice~~~~ n mum cook nasi dagang~~ T,T so niceee~~ thanks every body T,T..
well i overnight there, ah one more, kids keep bully me there~ hahahaha especially hannah =,="
and sarah got hamster from akmal, hahaha the kids enjoys them self too, and they blow the candle together with me hahahaha.. and at nigth mika come crawl to me, -,-" well few more days he wil be 8 moth something, hahahaa..
well to think again, this is the first time i spent my birthday like this, and i really thankful, it was super fun ^^
next day when came back to cyber, izzat n chu bought choc cake from secret recepies and they tot my birthday was on tht day hahahaha. well thanks guys ^^ (sure they mistaken coz i never put my birthday on my facebook")
well, thanks everybody, this year my birthday was the most meaningful day ^^, it was a great present from all of you to me, think again, i feel like i want to cry coz i was really happy, thanks T,T
that's all, thank you ^^
fall asleep on my desk again ^^
yes last few days was my birthday, and Jenny the wan who first wish me my birthday, thank you ^^....
i went back to puchong around noon, my sis came pick me from hostel, she's otw back from buying cake from SJ, yeah mum with her, she bought a hand bag with her =,=" mum surely can't resist shopping isn't she?? hahaha
well when reach puchong, all 3 of my elder sis were there, my bro in law n my soon will be bro in law were there too, my sis in law also there but my elder bro away to jakarta. they bought caramel cake from secret recepies~~ nice~~~~ n mum cook nasi dagang~~ T,T so niceee~~ thanks every body T,T..
well i overnight there, ah one more, kids keep bully me there~ hahahaha especially hannah =,="
and sarah got hamster from akmal, hahaha the kids enjoys them self too, and they blow the candle together with me hahahaha.. and at nigth mika come crawl to me, -,-" well few more days he wil be 8 moth something, hahahaa..
well to think again, this is the first time i spent my birthday like this, and i really thankful, it was super fun ^^
next day when came back to cyber, izzat n chu bought choc cake from secret recepies and they tot my birthday was on tht day hahahaha. well thanks guys ^^ (sure they mistaken coz i never put my birthday on my facebook")
well, thanks everybody, this year my birthday was the most meaningful day ^^, it was a great present from all of you to me, think again, i feel like i want to cry coz i was really happy, thanks T,T
that's all, thank you ^^
fall asleep on my desk again ^^
H.A
Monday, February 22, 2010
Me
Dear blog...
First of all... FUCK U!! hehe just kidding... Well lately i've being lazy again to blog, i spent more time on tobacco and drinks lately and started to coughin' blood again coz of these two. Well shall i stop? Probably since i do not smoke at home..
Ok today's seems to be so calm n quiet suddenly i want to write something about me you should know. Well i can say i be revealing another piece of puzzle about me. Feel so bored and i guess this is what people think about me..
Ok first, what you all actually thinks about me? and compare it with what i am going to write next...
Ok about me... probably right now, i'm just a person with twisted personality, my mood changes from time to time, i uttering useless words sometimes, even my self don't know what i was talking about. I don't want people think me as a good person or bad person, i want they think i'm in the middle since that's what i really am. I'm depressed-type person, probably i suffers melancholic-depression syndrome. I used to be serious in whatever i do but often i being discourage by the environment until i only serious in work that people did not see i do it. Sometimes i spacing out a lot. My family told me once, when i was a child, i talks to my self a lot, but i don't remember that thou...
It's not like i hate spicy food, but i just pretend to hate it since i can't stand the spice. I'm not racist type person but i'm really picky-type person. I may be seems like to helps with person who depress and lonely, share their problem and pain, but the truth, i was seeking help. it's like "i'm saving people but i also wait to be saved"...
I am a vengeful person, once i been hurt, i'll remember the pain for years. My words can be jokes but also can be serious. I like to make people confuse..
I hate to be alone but i scare to loose someone... I really easy to attach to a person, but when i attach to a person, it'll be the only person till the person leave me.. When to be with a person, i don't talk much, but i really happy to be beside the person...
i cry sometimes but you only can see my joyful tears, my painful tears will be hidden. I like fashions but since child i have very limited money to spent, i hardly spent much on shirts and pants. Most of my clothes are gift from my siblings or their old shirt. Back there, i just get my shirt from bundle shops... I feel it's a waste to buy new clothes and the money can be use to buy foods..I just eat any food just to kill my hunger. I can't really taste well, so it does not really matter if the food actually have no taste. I claims i good at cooking but most of things i cook just tasteless.. I'm very emotional person, but i control and hide it... each time my birthday, i feel down...
I'm a coward person, and if there's is fight, my whole body will shivering...when fight, i just don't care even i lost my life, but i just worry about what will happen after the fight..(effect of the fights)..
i'm hopeful person and at the same time hopeless.....
So,what do you think?
i thinks that;s all, for now...
thanks blog....
=,="
H.A
First of all... FUCK U!! hehe just kidding... Well lately i've being lazy again to blog, i spent more time on tobacco and drinks lately and started to coughin' blood again coz of these two. Well shall i stop? Probably since i do not smoke at home..
Ok today's seems to be so calm n quiet suddenly i want to write something about me you should know. Well i can say i be revealing another piece of puzzle about me. Feel so bored and i guess this is what people think about me..
Ok first, what you all actually thinks about me? and compare it with what i am going to write next...
Ok about me... probably right now, i'm just a person with twisted personality, my mood changes from time to time, i uttering useless words sometimes, even my self don't know what i was talking about. I don't want people think me as a good person or bad person, i want they think i'm in the middle since that's what i really am. I'm depressed-type person, probably i suffers melancholic-depression syndrome. I used to be serious in whatever i do but often i being discourage by the environment until i only serious in work that people did not see i do it. Sometimes i spacing out a lot. My family told me once, when i was a child, i talks to my self a lot, but i don't remember that thou...
It's not like i hate spicy food, but i just pretend to hate it since i can't stand the spice. I'm not racist type person but i'm really picky-type person. I may be seems like to helps with person who depress and lonely, share their problem and pain, but the truth, i was seeking help. it's like "i'm saving people but i also wait to be saved"...
I am a vengeful person, once i been hurt, i'll remember the pain for years. My words can be jokes but also can be serious. I like to make people confuse..
I hate to be alone but i scare to loose someone... I really easy to attach to a person, but when i attach to a person, it'll be the only person till the person leave me.. When to be with a person, i don't talk much, but i really happy to be beside the person...
i cry sometimes but you only can see my joyful tears, my painful tears will be hidden. I like fashions but since child i have very limited money to spent, i hardly spent much on shirts and pants. Most of my clothes are gift from my siblings or their old shirt. Back there, i just get my shirt from bundle shops... I feel it's a waste to buy new clothes and the money can be use to buy foods..I just eat any food just to kill my hunger. I can't really taste well, so it does not really matter if the food actually have no taste. I claims i good at cooking but most of things i cook just tasteless.. I'm very emotional person, but i control and hide it... each time my birthday, i feel down...
I'm a coward person, and if there's is fight, my whole body will shivering...when fight, i just don't care even i lost my life, but i just worry about what will happen after the fight..(effect of the fights)..
i'm hopeful person and at the same time hopeless.....
So,what do you think?
i thinks that;s all, for now...
thanks blog....
=,="
H.A
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
I'm Ok Now
Dear blog...
Yes back writing in english, i'm having hard time using kanji in writing in japanese since i don't learn japanese in school. Probably i really wanted to write in japanese, but i guess i'll just do it in english.
Ok most of my previous post, the content would be stray from the title, but i guess this post won't be stray to much. I guess i figure out what make me stress and tension for the past few months...
Ok let's back to my true nature, i mean they way i am before, may be most people don't know, i.m actually really hot-tempered type, but one day during my old days back there i trained my self to control my temper and such feelings. I bury them all inside my heart, just try to swallow, or forgive and forget. Doing so too much for long time, it's bad for my heart, stress and pressure that i hide inside torture my heart and feeling end up making me such a gloomy person from time to time and the end i explode and lost my rational just like i am now. No longer can think way for simple solution. Feels like everyone is my enemy, and even i get pissed of coz ant come and do free diving in my drinks.
When i recall back my moments for past few month, i laugh.. laugh at my self for my stupidity. It seems like i'm changing back to my former self, uncontrollable person, wild and... heh nvm.. am i cure now? am i ok now? I'm trying hard for it. Well as for now, i just need to clear my mind, anc calm down. "No matter how hard or sucks you life is, there's always be solution for it and escape door" that's what i always thought.
well, chill yo' everything's gonna be all right~
that's all for now, thanks~
"Our greatest enemy is our own self"
Yes back writing in english, i'm having hard time using kanji in writing in japanese since i don't learn japanese in school. Probably i really wanted to write in japanese, but i guess i'll just do it in english.
Ok most of my previous post, the content would be stray from the title, but i guess this post won't be stray to much. I guess i figure out what make me stress and tension for the past few months...
Ok let's back to my true nature, i mean they way i am before, may be most people don't know, i.m actually really hot-tempered type, but one day during my old days back there i trained my self to control my temper and such feelings. I bury them all inside my heart, just try to swallow, or forgive and forget. Doing so too much for long time, it's bad for my heart, stress and pressure that i hide inside torture my heart and feeling end up making me such a gloomy person from time to time and the end i explode and lost my rational just like i am now. No longer can think way for simple solution. Feels like everyone is my enemy, and even i get pissed of coz ant come and do free diving in my drinks.
When i recall back my moments for past few month, i laugh.. laugh at my self for my stupidity. It seems like i'm changing back to my former self, uncontrollable person, wild and... heh nvm.. am i cure now? am i ok now? I'm trying hard for it. Well as for now, i just need to clear my mind, anc calm down. "No matter how hard or sucks you life is, there's always be solution for it and escape door" that's what i always thought.
well, chill yo' everything's gonna be all right~
that's all for now, thanks~
"Our greatest enemy is our own self"
H.A
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Wishing Stone....
Dear blog..
Lately my heart is like being torture by some uneasy feeling... feels like my heart is suffering from something.. something painful.. is this one of melancholic-depression effect? I wonder... i tried to cheer up, but sometimes i just can't. i tried to ignore.. but sometimes it just there.. came from no where and create chaos in my mind. i feels like i hate everything around me, i feel depress, anger and frustration... sometimes i'm spacing out and i don't even know what i'm thinking. my heart feel like so stuffed and i can hardly breath... i feel suffocate with all of these... some feeling i can't hide, i can't cry out...i can't just let it be..... Before, i can go through all of these by my own, but now i feel like i can't no longer stand it... i no longer can just close my eyes and forget it.. i can't do anything when i had this feeling. i feel depress....
I want to move on, but to where? I want to go back but there's no place for me back there. I'm stuck in time, stuck at no where. No one there for me... even thou they say they'll be there but in real thing, they just not there.. and if they are there, they can't do anything... "The end is near.. one day..someday... i will be "free" from all of this...." that at least how i can comfort my self... fake hopes and dreams.....
thank you..
singgin' my melancholy melody..
H.A
Lately my heart is like being torture by some uneasy feeling... feels like my heart is suffering from something.. something painful.. is this one of melancholic-depression effect? I wonder... i tried to cheer up, but sometimes i just can't. i tried to ignore.. but sometimes it just there.. came from no where and create chaos in my mind. i feels like i hate everything around me, i feel depress, anger and frustration... sometimes i'm spacing out and i don't even know what i'm thinking. my heart feel like so stuffed and i can hardly breath... i feel suffocate with all of these... some feeling i can't hide, i can't cry out...i can't just let it be..... Before, i can go through all of these by my own, but now i feel like i can't no longer stand it... i no longer can just close my eyes and forget it.. i can't do anything when i had this feeling. i feel depress....
I want to move on, but to where? I want to go back but there's no place for me back there. I'm stuck in time, stuck at no where. No one there for me... even thou they say they'll be there but in real thing, they just not there.. and if they are there, they can't do anything... "The end is near.. one day..someday... i will be "free" from all of this...." that at least how i can comfort my self... fake hopes and dreams.....
thank you..
singgin' my melancholy melody..
H.A
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Sleepless days and night
Dear blog...
不眠症の日。。。 嘘だ。 昨日は、KLを行けました、 一緒に おれの友達。 昨日の昨日は(何でこれ) おれは、眠ない です。。。 「どうして おれ に 眠ないね？」 何とか、 変なね。 多分、 おれの 心は。。。 (くそ ほんとうに 難しい ね 日本語。。。いいえ 漢字はほんとうに 難しいです) ＼（－－）／ マイッタ
平仮名 は いいです でも。。。時々、 おれも 日本人も わかれません。。。。 誰か 日本語、漢字も おしえてくれ 。。。 フフフ
それだけ~~~
ありがとう。。。。。
日本語も難しいね猫さん
不眠症の日。。。 嘘だ。 昨日は、KLを行けました、 一緒に おれの友達。 昨日の昨日は(何でこれ) おれは、眠ない です。。。 「どうして おれ に 眠ないね？」 何とか、 変なね。 多分、 おれの 心は。。。 (くそ ほんとうに 難しい ね 日本語。。。いいえ 漢字はほんとうに 難しいです) ＼（－－）／ マイッタ
平仮名 は いいです でも。。。時々、 おれも 日本人も わかれません。。。。 誰か 日本語、漢字も おしえてくれ 。。。 フフフ
それだけ~~~
ありがとう。。。。。
日本語も難しいね猫さん
Monday, January 25, 2010
日本語。始め~~
Dear blog...
日本語を読んでもよいですか?日本語を書いてもよいですか? 私は日本語を読み書きできません。私の執筆における誤りがあるでしょう。 しかし、何人かの人々が私の執筆に悲しいので、日本語でまだ書いていたいです。
一つ ； 日本語の何もわかれません。
二つ； 私は日本語を勉強しません。
三つ；私はいつも日本語を話すというわけではありません。 <--(この言葉。。間違う ね？ )
四つ；たぶん、私もわけません、 この post ハハハ
それは問題ありません。
日本語を読んでもよいですか?日本語を書いてもよいですか? 私は日本語を読み書きできません。私の執筆における誤りがあるでしょう。 しかし、何人かの人々が私の執筆に悲しいので、日本語でまだ書いていたいです。
一つ ； 日本語の何もわかれません。
二つ； 私は日本語を勉強しません。
三つ；私はいつも日本語を話すというわけではありません。 <--(この言葉。。間違う ね？ )
四つ；たぶん、私もわけません、 この post ハハハ
それは問題ありません。
Saturday, January 23, 2010
My blog
Dear blog,
Hurm, u can see, most of my post sometimes, i think all of times is nonsense, heh.. to me this blog is like my life journal, my diary or something like that. i actually don't expected much people come and read what i wrote here, coz it is not really related to many people, hahaha. This is just for people to know me, or at least to see other side of me if somehow there's people would like to make research about me.
Well sometimes i lost my self so this place also like a bar whr i could sit and bicthin' about my worries and my life. most i wrote here is something i never talks to other people. So far i knew my visitors for my blog, i mean person who continuously or sometimes come to read what i post here, hahaha i guess they just want to check in me. well thank you for visiting my blog ^^
well, i hope when you read through don't think much or don't let them effect you, hahaha. well i know some of you might think i was talking about you, well how to put it in words..hurm.... let just say, becareful when trying to go through those words, sometimes it actually might not all about you. Hahahaha..
well just don't worry, what i put in here, what i post in here mostly are being vanish or solved in my heart.. it's like i take from my heart and put it here, seal it here. this is my way for at least to put my mind at ease... and please, don't bother to worry about me...coz i always hav this blog as a shoulder that i can lean to.. ^^
that's all... thank you
H.A
Hurm, u can see, most of my post sometimes, i think all of times is nonsense, heh.. to me this blog is like my life journal, my diary or something like that. i actually don't expected much people come and read what i wrote here, coz it is not really related to many people, hahaha. This is just for people to know me, or at least to see other side of me if somehow there's people would like to make research about me.
Well sometimes i lost my self so this place also like a bar whr i could sit and bicthin' about my worries and my life. most i wrote here is something i never talks to other people. So far i knew my visitors for my blog, i mean person who continuously or sometimes come to read what i post here, hahaha i guess they just want to check in me. well thank you for visiting my blog ^^
well, i hope when you read through don't think much or don't let them effect you, hahaha. well i know some of you might think i was talking about you, well how to put it in words..hurm.... let just say, becareful when trying to go through those words, sometimes it actually might not all about you. Hahahaha..
well just don't worry, what i put in here, what i post in here mostly are being vanish or solved in my heart.. it's like i take from my heart and put it here, seal it here. this is my way for at least to put my mind at ease... and please, don't bother to worry about me...coz i always hav this blog as a shoulder that i can lean to.. ^^
that's all... thank you
H.A
Sanity vs Inasnity
*this post probably contains few curse words, so bear with it ^^
Dear blog..
I can't sleep, this feeling driving me insane.. yes i'm at the edge of sanity... might fall into insanity. I don't know why, my heart can't calm down, keep beating fast, and faster and faster, not sense of excitement, but beat with painful feeling, feeling of emptiness.. I keep listen to songs and going through the lyrics, trying hard to kills the feeling along the lyrics, but it doen't seems to be working..
Pain..empty and some feelings that i can't explain. What i did before now backfiring me, each of those feeling now backfired me merciless.. pain... empty... it suppose to kill my feeling, not to drive me to insanity. So i tried to close my eyes and imagine that i met her at this time, but... it's wont be the same, coz if she in front of me, it'll be different person, not that person who was with me... the person who was with me only now lives in my memory.. the person there infront of me just person who would have the same looks but without the feeling, and i might just stare her with cold eyes.... and inside me will be shouting to me, that's not her, not the same person as she was....
the person is gone... she's not there anymore, she's now only exist in my memory that i try to forget, the feeling that i try to forget.... why the fuck all the things turn this way?? wht the fuck!!! arghhhh.......shit this really drive me crazy.. i mean it..... i don't know how long i will be like this or how long i can stand this..... never been like this before... fuck....... i dont want her back.. i knew she don't want to be with me, that's why i doing all these.. but i miss those times... demmmitt!!! Arghhh!!!!!!
That's all..thank you...
Heh...
Dear blog..
I can't sleep, this feeling driving me insane.. yes i'm at the edge of sanity... might fall into insanity. I don't know why, my heart can't calm down, keep beating fast, and faster and faster, not sense of excitement, but beat with painful feeling, feeling of emptiness.. I keep listen to songs and going through the lyrics, trying hard to kills the feeling along the lyrics, but it doen't seems to be working..
Pain..empty and some feelings that i can't explain. What i did before now backfiring me, each of those feeling now backfired me merciless.. pain... empty... it suppose to kill my feeling, not to drive me to insanity. So i tried to close my eyes and imagine that i met her at this time, but... it's wont be the same, coz if she in front of me, it'll be different person, not that person who was with me... the person who was with me only now lives in my memory.. the person there infront of me just person who would have the same looks but without the feeling, and i might just stare her with cold eyes.... and inside me will be shouting to me, that's not her, not the same person as she was....
the person is gone... she's not there anymore, she's now only exist in my memory that i try to forget, the feeling that i try to forget.... why the fuck all the things turn this way?? wht the fuck!!! arghhhh.......shit this really drive me crazy.. i mean it..... i don't know how long i will be like this or how long i can stand this..... never been like this before... fuck....... i dont want her back.. i knew she don't want to be with me, that's why i doing all these.. but i miss those times... demmmitt!!! Arghhh!!!!!!
That's all..thank you...
Heh...
H.A
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Emotionly Disturbed
Dear blog..
Don't know for how many nights it had been, i kept dreaming about my past time when i was either in high school, secondary high or primary school. I dream i think something that does not happen during the time or dream meeting people at that time and we keep on chatting. I even mistakenly call their name in my dreams =,=" i guess i giving my roommate creeps since he would hear i talk clearly when i actually sleeping hahaha...
Well good sleep suppose to be without dreams, and i kept having dream on the past.... is it my time already? heh. Well it's true that my emotion now is really fucking mess-up, i keep holding on my self not to break apart, hey by the way it is not because of you, hahaha don't worry, lot's of things happen actually.. and yeah not because of my family either, they're good, they are too good till sometimes i don't think i fit in with them, feels like i'm the black sheep amongst normal white and shiny2 sheeps, hahahaha. well's it's an metaphor thou, my family and me are NOT sheep ^^
well yesterday i spent my time mostly on bed... went to class then come back then i lay on bed, then wake up and went to class again and come back and went to bed. Oh i got those dreams only when i sleep at night, i mean normal sleep at night. Hurm i feeling tired lately so i try to sleep as many as i can when i got chances. Sleep can restore my energy and soul, heh..
well that's all,thank you
Yeah this picture i snapped last nite b4 went to bed
(can see how much i disturbed from my eyes)
Don't know for how many nights it had been, i kept dreaming about my past time when i was either in high school, secondary high or primary school. I dream i think something that does not happen during the time or dream meeting people at that time and we keep on chatting. I even mistakenly call their name in my dreams =,=" i guess i giving my roommate creeps since he would hear i talk clearly when i actually sleeping hahaha...
Well good sleep suppose to be without dreams, and i kept having dream on the past.... is it my time already? heh. Well it's true that my emotion now is really fucking mess-up, i keep holding on my self not to break apart, hey by the way it is not because of you, hahaha don't worry, lot's of things happen actually.. and yeah not because of my family either, they're good, they are too good till sometimes i don't think i fit in with them, feels like i'm the black sheep amongst normal white and shiny2 sheeps, hahahaha. well's it's an metaphor thou, my family and me are NOT sheep ^^
well yesterday i spent my time mostly on bed... went to class then come back then i lay on bed, then wake up and went to class again and come back and went to bed. Oh i got those dreams only when i sleep at night, i mean normal sleep at night. Hurm i feeling tired lately so i try to sleep as many as i can when i got chances. Sleep can restore my energy and soul, heh..
well that's all,thank you
Yeah this picture i snapped last nite b4 went to bed
(can see how much i disturbed from my eyes)
H.A
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Emotions
Dear blog..
Now i'm fighting with my emotions, lots of things happens. My gerbil lost one of his eyes, and my heart still struggle with some feeling i want to hide.. well, sometimes those feelings do comes and go, but in my case, i'm trying hard to chase away those feeling, i don't need the feeling that make me feel my day sucks...
that's all, thank you
Now i'm fighting with my emotions, lots of things happens. My gerbil lost one of his eyes, and my heart still struggle with some feeling i want to hide.. well, sometimes those feelings do comes and go, but in my case, i'm trying hard to chase away those feeling, i don't need the feeling that make me feel my day sucks...
that's all, thank you
H.A
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Namida~
Dear blog...
Great, now i start to use some random words on my mind as my title for post... d'oh~ whatever me~~ shit i'm start to answer my self isn't me? omg omg omg!! ok calm down... chill, nothing can be solve if i'm panic rite? chill..... hahahah guy i must been thinking i'm start to loosing my mind rite? heh guess so... Hell nO~~ hahaaha i'm just try to came out with some comedy line here, but what's so funny about these line??? plus i'm posting this while listen to song title "namida" that mean tears in japanese, pardon me for not writing it in japanese, i lost the software to enable me to write in japanese... (the hell i'm explaining this for... =,=")
Oh well, my communication skill sucks by the way, considering i'm doing my part time job last time to improve my communication skill, but hey... there's miles away to me for even trying to communicate normally.. Yeah my sentences were mix up and all mess up and i even took lot of unnecessary words to explain simple things like trying to explain "tht thing is rice" i end up saying " oh it's a grain that being harvested and put in a pot along a potion of water and being boiled till cook" wth... well something like that, hahahaha..
well i must be really f~ing bored now till wrote these boring things... heh...
that's all, thank you~
Great, now i start to use some random words on my mind as my title for post... d'oh~ whatever me~~ shit i'm start to answer my self isn't me? omg omg omg!! ok calm down... chill, nothing can be solve if i'm panic rite? chill..... hahahah guy i must been thinking i'm start to loosing my mind rite? heh guess so... Hell nO~~ hahaaha i'm just try to came out with some comedy line here, but what's so funny about these line??? plus i'm posting this while listen to song title "namida" that mean tears in japanese, pardon me for not writing it in japanese, i lost the software to enable me to write in japanese... (the hell i'm explaining this for... =,=")
Oh well, my communication skill sucks by the way, considering i'm doing my part time job last time to improve my communication skill, but hey... there's miles away to me for even trying to communicate normally.. Yeah my sentences were mix up and all mess up and i even took lot of unnecessary words to explain simple things like trying to explain "tht thing is rice" i end up saying " oh it's a grain that being harvested and put in a pot along a potion of water and being boiled till cook" wth... well something like that, hahahaha..
well i must be really f~ing bored now till wrote these boring things... heh...
that's all, thank you~
H.A
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Insanity
Dear blog..
Lately i've been talking to my self too much. Beautifully sorrowful words keeps on sprouting.. Well not all thou. But one same words came to me everyday, "How are you today?" "How's your feeling today?" and by the end of day, when it feels cold, weird words came such "Who to hell cares if i'm happy not or not , i felt those happy moments before, so when i miss being happy, just recall those moments" or " What's big deal, sorrowful heart was my choice bear with it". Well these things for me it keeps me for being sane, hahaha well to those normal people will might have it differently but i don't care, it's my own way. Even back at home as i recall i only talks a lot with my mum, others, sometimes i tried to talk to them, but my voice just can't reach them. Well soon, i can imagine how my life will be. Hahahaha well here when my friends around i talks like drunk, talk about crappy2 things, i can't really directly express what's in my heart to my friends. I'm shy, hahaaha i guess not really, just my words it too complicated. Well sometimes people notice that something wrong with me, and open their arms to me, but you know, i prefer just being with them, drinking together, sing songs together, not exactly voice out my heart.
Yeah to think again i've use to share everything with my self, talking to my self, hahaha who else can listen better than your own self. well there's a saying that. "it's ok if you talk to your self, but there's something wrong if you start to answer to your self" hurm i gues sometimes i do answer my self like, whn i ask "how's ur feeling today" and i answer "sucks, as usual" hahahaha well who cares, it's been like that for all these years.. heh well there's many weird words that i've been blabbering to my self. i won't share it here, coz it's too many and too depress..
well that's all, thank you
Lately i've been talking to my self too much. Beautifully sorrowful words keeps on sprouting.. Well not all thou. But one same words came to me everyday, "How are you today?" "How's your feeling today?" and by the end of day, when it feels cold, weird words came such "Who to hell cares if i'm happy not or not , i felt those happy moments before, so when i miss being happy, just recall those moments" or " What's big deal, sorrowful heart was my choice bear with it". Well these things for me it keeps me for being sane, hahaha well to those normal people will might have it differently but i don't care, it's my own way. Even back at home as i recall i only talks a lot with my mum, others, sometimes i tried to talk to them, but my voice just can't reach them. Well soon, i can imagine how my life will be. Hahahaha well here when my friends around i talks like drunk, talk about crappy2 things, i can't really directly express what's in my heart to my friends. I'm shy, hahaaha i guess not really, just my words it too complicated. Well sometimes people notice that something wrong with me, and open their arms to me, but you know, i prefer just being with them, drinking together, sing songs together, not exactly voice out my heart.
Yeah to think again i've use to share everything with my self, talking to my self, hahaha who else can listen better than your own self. well there's a saying that. "it's ok if you talk to your self, but there's something wrong if you start to answer to your self" hurm i gues sometimes i do answer my self like, whn i ask "how's ur feeling today" and i answer "sucks, as usual" hahahaha well who cares, it's been like that for all these years.. heh well there's many weird words that i've been blabbering to my self. i won't share it here, coz it's too many and too depress..
well that's all, thank you
H.A
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Akira~ Change~~
Dear Blog...
Heheh still working on my new hair style, well things in process but i think i kind of screw up some part of my hair, now i can only wait for it to grow longer to cover the mistake and re-style again, for now i will hav to keep on wearing snow cap~ demmit!!!
restyle hair, re-shape body and shop for some cloth.. demmit~
Heheh still working on my new hair style, well things in process but i think i kind of screw up some part of my hair, now i can only wait for it to grow longer to cover the mistake and re-style again, for now i will hav to keep on wearing snow cap~ demmit!!!
restyle hair, re-shape body and shop for some cloth.. demmit~
H.A
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Hurt
Dear blog...
Yeah i seems to be fine right? listen to songs, online... watch series and movies... and blogging... heh... laughing around...
i don't expect to feel hurt like this, i guess i've been putting too much feeling where i shouldn't do so.. well what else can you expect with me, i wont be with a girl if i don't have the feeling... heh heh to be ready to love also mean to be ready to be hurt. I knew such ending but i still go on with it, well that's me.
it's really hurt when sometimes my mind flashes memory about her, well for sure i was like =_=" what the hell when it came to my head all so sudden like that, heh, well i try to overcome it by doing something just to divert my mind, well i couldn't always been running away just like that rite? so this is what i'm doing now, express it.
did i blame her? hahaha why should i, i want to love her, even thou she not love me, well i was like thankful enough to her for letting me love her for at least for the short time. Phew sounds like i'm really pathetic, hahaha well think again, may be i am..ceh who cares, i will love who ever i wants~~ :p
well i never longing for her to love me back thou, in fact i'm kind of grateful now she finally with someone that she can be with.. well i'm not hurt coz she's with someone she want to be with, i actually hurt coz i missing her so much. I've been "disappear" my self from her not coz i hate to see her, but i'm scared i will miss her more, so now at least i just thinking of her and get over with it, that's all.
well i did thinking what if she suddenly appear if front of me? just thinking of it, my whole body feel weak and i guess i couldn't be standing of my feet, i might crumble there in front of her. so avoiding her is the best thing for me to do now. yeah i'm such a coward. my emotion is really weak, hahahaha.
well it's such a crazy thing i can love a person with just short time like that, hahaha my heart too soft.. well i guess my heart too lonely that's why i easily accept her. but i'm glad at least we still have our sweet memories together ^^
i've been hurt coz i missing her..hahahaha but it's ok, i'll become more stronger, and i wish one day my heart will be dead just like that so i wont be hurt anymore ^^
that's all, thank you
Yeah i seems to be fine right? listen to songs, online... watch series and movies... and blogging... heh... laughing around...
i don't expect to feel hurt like this, i guess i've been putting too much feeling where i shouldn't do so.. well what else can you expect with me, i wont be with a girl if i don't have the feeling... heh heh to be ready to love also mean to be ready to be hurt. I knew such ending but i still go on with it, well that's me.
it's really hurt when sometimes my mind flashes memory about her, well for sure i was like =_=" what the hell when it came to my head all so sudden like that, heh, well i try to overcome it by doing something just to divert my mind, well i couldn't always been running away just like that rite? so this is what i'm doing now, express it.
did i blame her? hahaha why should i, i want to love her, even thou she not love me, well i was like thankful enough to her for letting me love her for at least for the short time. Phew sounds like i'm really pathetic, hahaha well think again, may be i am..ceh who cares, i will love who ever i wants~~ :p
well i never longing for her to love me back thou, in fact i'm kind of grateful now she finally with someone that she can be with.. well i'm not hurt coz she's with someone she want to be with, i actually hurt coz i missing her so much. I've been "disappear" my self from her not coz i hate to see her, but i'm scared i will miss her more, so now at least i just thinking of her and get over with it, that's all.
well i did thinking what if she suddenly appear if front of me? just thinking of it, my whole body feel weak and i guess i couldn't be standing of my feet, i might crumble there in front of her. so avoiding her is the best thing for me to do now. yeah i'm such a coward. my emotion is really weak, hahahaha.
well it's such a crazy thing i can love a person with just short time like that, hahaha my heart too soft.. well i guess my heart too lonely that's why i easily accept her. but i'm glad at least we still have our sweet memories together ^^
i've been hurt coz i missing her..hahahaha but it's ok, i'll become more stronger, and i wish one day my heart will be dead just like that so i wont be hurt anymore ^^
that's all, thank you
H.A
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Final good bye
Dear blog...
Yup, that's it. I ve took few days to think and think and think... i guess this is my final good bye to the person, thank you for everything, and be happy. Lastly, try to make up ur mind and knw what you want ok?
That's all, thank you...
Yup, that's it. I ve took few days to think and think and think... i guess this is my final good bye to the person, thank you for everything, and be happy. Lastly, try to make up ur mind and knw what you want ok?
That's all, thank you...
H.A
Saturday, January 9, 2010
夢
dear blog...
yeah lately i've been sucked into some kind of weird dreams and just now i dream of accidentally bought some old second-hand handset branded orange. And i keep bargaining with the uncle to change to another handset =.="
and before i dream of kim ah joong star in new movie... before that i back to stage again and do some funny thing on stage.. wew~ wtf, i haven't have this weird2 dreams since i was in high school. and those dreams so real untill whn i wake and i rush to my laptop and check the info =,=" and its turn out to be... just a dream hahahahahaha..
yesterday i went to alamanda to buy some stuff, and shocked to found out that hair cream that i once use when i was in junior high still there, well it's not a famous brand just rare i think coz i didn't see that quite often~ hahahaha well i shoud give a try then coz my hair is super dry now, super damaged~ hahahaha and i guess this hair cream doesn't gave me headache, not like any other brand. ^^
hurm... i now out of pic for my blog, huhuhu should i go out and snap one? naah nvm, no mood for that, bubbye~
that's all, tahnk you
yeah lately i've been sucked into some kind of weird dreams and just now i dream of accidentally bought some old second-hand handset branded orange. And i keep bargaining with the uncle to change to another handset =.="
and before i dream of kim ah joong star in new movie... before that i back to stage again and do some funny thing on stage.. wew~ wtf, i haven't have this weird2 dreams since i was in high school. and those dreams so real untill whn i wake and i rush to my laptop and check the info =,=" and its turn out to be... just a dream hahahahahaha..
yesterday i went to alamanda to buy some stuff, and shocked to found out that hair cream that i once use when i was in junior high still there, well it's not a famous brand just rare i think coz i didn't see that quite often~ hahahaha well i shoud give a try then coz my hair is super dry now, super damaged~ hahahaha and i guess this hair cream doesn't gave me headache, not like any other brand. ^^
hurm... i now out of pic for my blog, huhuhu should i go out and snap one? naah nvm, no mood for that, bubbye~
that's all, tahnk you
H.A
Decisions~
Dear blog....
Some how i feel like want to share this......
"my heart is for me, i once let a person into my heart, when the person left i paid the price, and next person came, for awhile and left, just the same...i paid the price for letting people come to my heart, now i shutting down everything for good, coz there's no more such miserable things call love in my heart, i gave them all away.. my body feeling light and i cannot explain what i feel now. To those who had been in my heart, i pray for your happiness, thank you for being with me.
Its not your fault for seeking your own freedom and happiness, if you were waiting for me to go, it'll take forever, hahahaha well those memories that we shared, shall be forget or not is up to u.
Now, everyday i been asking my self, "how are you feeling today?" and i answered "same as usual... "
well its not easy for me to clear all these miserable feeling inside me, but it's ok, one day it will gone just like that..."
"love ka.... i starting to hate that word.... hahaha"
that's all..thank you.
ps:no pic today... no mood....
Some how i feel like want to share this......
"my heart is for me, i once let a person into my heart, when the person left i paid the price, and next person came, for awhile and left, just the same...i paid the price for letting people come to my heart, now i shutting down everything for good, coz there's no more such miserable things call love in my heart, i gave them all away.. my body feeling light and i cannot explain what i feel now. To those who had been in my heart, i pray for your happiness, thank you for being with me.
Its not your fault for seeking your own freedom and happiness, if you were waiting for me to go, it'll take forever, hahahaha well those memories that we shared, shall be forget or not is up to u.
Now, everyday i been asking my self, "how are you feeling today?" and i answered "same as usual... "
well its not easy for me to clear all these miserable feeling inside me, but it's ok, one day it will gone just like that..."
"love ka.... i starting to hate that word.... hahaha"
that's all..thank you.
ps:no pic today... no mood....
H.A
Friday, January 8, 2010
Slip Out
yes another song. I like to express my feeling through the lyrics n melodic.
That's musique for me for sure ^^
Beck-Slip Out
I don't know since when I changed to such a cold-hearted guy.
I have to warm this frozen icy lonely heart to thaw.
I like being wrapped with warmmness more than anything else for sure.
I'm gonna make my coming days to be filled with laughter and joy.
I let myself down that I'm more cruel than I thought I would be.
I'm just a loser who ends up by caring for my soul.
I don't give my heart to no one cause I don't wanna waste my time.
I tried to love this loneliness to slip out of this lonesome hole.
Sorrow is what I hate but it's grown my sensations.
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions.
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once.
Love is not the word only for the sweet romance.
Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared, to death.
And I'm scared to keep on going on my way.
Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared, to death.
And I'll tell myself I'm special till the end.
Recalling my torn broken, aching heart of these long days.
And all the memories I wanted to forget for making leaps.
Recalling, breaking, aching, crying, making sure to me.
And I take all and grin at my future on the way.
I don't give my heart to no one cause I don't wanna waste my time.
I tried to love this loneliness to slip out of this lonesome hole.
That's musique for me for sure ^^
Beck-Slip Out
I don't know since when I changed to such a cold-hearted guy.
I have to warm this frozen icy lonely heart to thaw.
I like being wrapped with warmmness more than anything else for sure.
I'm gonna make my coming days to be filled with laughter and joy.
I let myself down that I'm more cruel than I thought I would be.
I'm just a loser who ends up by caring for my soul.
I don't give my heart to no one cause I don't wanna waste my time.
I tried to love this loneliness to slip out of this lonesome hole.
Sorrow is what I hate but it's grown my sensations.
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions.
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once.
Love is not the word only for the sweet romance.
Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared, to death.
And I'm scared to keep on going on my way.
Well I'm scared, scared, scared, scared, to death.
And I'll tell myself I'm special till the end.
Recalling my torn broken, aching heart of these long days.
And all the memories I wanted to forget for making leaps.
Recalling, breaking, aching, crying, making sure to me.
And I take all and grin at my future on the way.
I don't give my heart to no one cause I don't wanna waste my time.
I tried to love this loneliness to slip out of this lonesome hole.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Emotion Flows..
Full moon sways
Gently in the night of one fine day
On my way
Looking for a moment with my dear
Full moon waves
Slowly on the surface of the lake
You are there
Smiling in my arms for all those years
What a fool!
I don't know about tomorrow
What it's like to be
Ah~
I was sure
'Couldn't let myself to go
Even though I feel
The end
Oh my fair...
Floating like a bird that's in her wings
You are there
Smiling in my arms for all those years
What a fool!
I don't know about tomorrow
What it's like to be
Ah~
I was sure
'Couldn't let myself to go
Even though I feel
The end
Full moon sways
Gently in the night of one fine day
You are there
Smiling in my arms for all those years
Gently in the night of one fine day
On my way
Looking for a moment with my dear
Full moon waves
Slowly on the surface of the lake
You are there
Smiling in my arms for all those years
What a fool!
I don't know about tomorrow
What it's like to be
Ah~
I was sure
'Couldn't let myself to go
Even though I feel
The end
Oh my fair...
Floating like a bird that's in her wings
You are there
Smiling in my arms for all those years
What a fool!
I don't know about tomorrow
What it's like to be
Ah~
I was sure
'Couldn't let myself to go
Even though I feel
The end
Full moon sways
Gently in the night of one fine day
You are there
Smiling in my arms for all those years
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Back to cyber
Dear blog...
I know... holiday still left almost 2 weeks more, and what the hell i'm doing here at cyberjaya??? hahaha well you know, base don my reason for FYP i came back early..
Hurm when i reach kl, i stay over my bro place. Yeah before that i took plane with my sister came back to kl.... it's smaller plane and shakes a lot up there.. well you know..raining and got storm up there... hehehe i listed plane is third place i should avoid.
Wake up around 9 something i sent my baby to shop....huhuhu got some problem and the guy came late.. well the guy says he wanted to check with the warranty, if the problem is covered in the warranty so i don't have to pay, but if not, may be fixing cost around rm200.. but i thinking not to fix, just grab some bluetooth headset since i don't call people so much. Well last year i think i just call only 3 or 4 people... i guess hahahaha.
Yup there's "storm" in my heart, well uneasy feeling came to disturb my heart, i told people not to think much but actually my self never stop thinking, thinking of everything. Fear to be hurt and to hurt came back to me, is it just my paranoia? am i paranoid? this fear makes me want to get far away from all people, for example now, i leave my family earlier even thou i still got more time for my holiday, i choose to stay alone here in my room... sometimes i rejecting people around me, and want to be alone and watch over people i love from far, protecting then from far... as i scared if i getting closer i might hurt them or i might getting hurt. i guess i being infected with psychological sickness am i?
when with people i love also i scared, coz when i don't have word to say, i scare she think i was bored with her or anything. that's why sometimes i say silly things and when i don't have anything to say...i worried.... shit i hate thissss!!
i don't know what to do..
that's all.... thank you....
I'm technically "Down" hahaha
I know... holiday still left almost 2 weeks more, and what the hell i'm doing here at cyberjaya??? hahaha well you know, base don my reason for FYP i came back early..
Hurm when i reach kl, i stay over my bro place. Yeah before that i took plane with my sister came back to kl.... it's smaller plane and shakes a lot up there.. well you know..raining and got storm up there... hehehe i listed plane is third place i should avoid.
Wake up around 9 something i sent my baby to shop....huhuhu got some problem and the guy came late.. well the guy says he wanted to check with the warranty, if the problem is covered in the warranty so i don't have to pay, but if not, may be fixing cost around rm200.. but i thinking not to fix, just grab some bluetooth headset since i don't call people so much. Well last year i think i just call only 3 or 4 people... i guess hahahaha.
Yup there's "storm" in my heart, well uneasy feeling came to disturb my heart, i told people not to think much but actually my self never stop thinking, thinking of everything. Fear to be hurt and to hurt came back to me, is it just my paranoia? am i paranoid? this fear makes me want to get far away from all people, for example now, i leave my family earlier even thou i still got more time for my holiday, i choose to stay alone here in my room... sometimes i rejecting people around me, and want to be alone and watch over people i love from far, protecting then from far... as i scared if i getting closer i might hurt them or i might getting hurt. i guess i being infected with psychological sickness am i?
when with people i love also i scared, coz when i don't have word to say, i scare she think i was bored with her or anything. that's why sometimes i say silly things and when i don't have anything to say...i worried.... shit i hate thissss!!
i don't know what to do..
that's all.... thank you....
I'm technically "Down" hahaha
H.A
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