Me

Dear blog...

First of all... FUCK U!! hehe just kidding... Well lately i've being lazy again to blog, i spent more time on tobacco and drinks lately and started to coughin' blood again coz of these two. Well shall i stop? Probably since i do not smoke at home..

Ok today's seems to be so calm n quiet suddenly i want to write something about me you should know. Well i can say i be revealing another piece of puzzle about me. Feel so bored and i guess this is what people think about me..

Ok first, what you all actually thinks about me? and compare it with what i am going to write next...


Ok about me... probably right now, i'm just a person with twisted personality, my mood changes from time to time, i uttering useless words sometimes, even my self don't know what i was talking about. I don't want people think me as a good person or bad person, i want they think i'm in the middle since that's what i really am. I'm depressed-type person, probably i suffers melancholic-depression syndrome. I used to be serious in whatever i do but often i being discourage by the environment until i only serious in work that people did not see i do it. Sometimes i spacing out a lot. My family told me once, when i was a child, i talks to my self a lot, but i don't remember that thou...
It's not like i hate spicy food, but i just pretend to hate it since i can't stand the spice. I'm not racist type person but i'm really picky-type person. I may be seems like to helps with person who depress and lonely, share their problem and pain, but the truth, i was seeking help. it's like "i'm saving people but i also wait to be saved"...
I am a vengeful person, once i been hurt, i'll remember the pain for years. My words can be jokes but also can be serious. I like to make people confuse..
I hate to be alone but i scare to loose someone... I really easy to attach to a person, but when i attach to a person, it'll be the only person till the person leave me.. When to be with a person, i don't talk much, but i really happy to be beside the person...
i cry sometimes but you only can see my joyful tears, my painful tears will be hidden. I like fashions but since child i have very limited money to spent, i hardly spent much on shirts and pants. Most of my clothes are gift from my siblings or their old shirt. Back there, i just get my shirt from bundle shops... I feel it's a waste to buy new clothes and the money can be use to buy foods..I just eat any food just to kill my hunger. I can't really taste well, so it does not really matter if the food actually have no taste. I claims i good at cooking but most of things i cook just tasteless.. I'm very emotional person, but i control and hide it... each time my birthday, i feel down...
I'm a coward person, and if there's is fight, my whole body will shivering...when fight, i just don't care even i lost my life, but i just worry about what will happen after the fight..(effect of the fights)..
i'm hopeful person and at the same time hopeless.....

So,what do you think?
i thinks that;s all, for now...
thanks blog....

=,="

H.A

My eyes....

Dear blog...

"Simple pictures...deep and meaningful memories...."

I'm Ok Now

Dear blog...

Yes back writing in english, i'm having hard time using kanji in writing in japanese since i don't learn japanese in school. Probably i really wanted to write in japanese, but i guess i'll just do it in english.

Ok most of my previous post, the content would be stray from the title, but i guess this post won't be stray to much. I guess i figure out what make me stress and tension for the past few months...

Ok let's back to my true nature, i mean they way i am before, may be most people don't know, i.m actually really hot-tempered type, but one day during my old days back there i trained my self to control my temper and such feelings. I bury them all inside my heart, just try to swallow, or forgive and forget. Doing so too much for long time, it's bad for my heart, stress and pressure that i hide inside torture my heart and feeling end up making me such a gloomy person from time to time and the end i explode and lost my rational just like i am now. No longer can think way for simple solution. Feels like everyone is my enemy, and even i get pissed of coz ant come and do free diving in my drinks.

When i recall back my moments for past few month, i laugh.. laugh at my self for my stupidity. It seems like i'm changing back to my former self, uncontrollable person, wild and... heh nvm.. am i cure now? am i ok now? I'm trying hard for it. Well as for now, i just need to clear my mind, anc calm down. "No matter how hard or sucks you life is, there's always be solution for it and escape door" that's what i always thought.

well, chill yo' everything's gonna be all right~

that's all for now, thanks~

"Our greatest enemy is our own self"

H.A